Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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