i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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