youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
