Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
