the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
