My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
