i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
