her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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