i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
