Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
