suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
