I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
