WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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