She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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