sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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