i would punch a child for taco bell
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
