the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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