I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
