i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
