She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
