i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
