someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
