There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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