dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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