and you said cock pushups were impossible
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
