So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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