You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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