i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
