The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
