I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
