It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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