$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize