i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am available for nakedness
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
