so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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