pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
