i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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