just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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