You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
