Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had sex on a roof
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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