marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
