how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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