oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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