Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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