I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
