Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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