Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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