walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
