he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
