this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
