This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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