Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
