I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
