So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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