I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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