I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
