Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
