hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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