You're so nebulous sometimes
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
