i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
