i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
