I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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