the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
