Define "chronic" masturbator.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
