**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this just has baby written all over it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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