I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
