You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
