Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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