also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
