I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
