if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
