I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
