WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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