I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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